Carrying Hope Without Breaking

A survival guide for caring humans in scary times

🌸 ikigai 生き甲斐 is a reason for being, your purpose in life - from the Japanese iki 生き meaning life and gai 甲斐 meaning worth 🌸

How do you find your reason for being when the world feels like it's actively trying to extinguish hope?

I know I’m not alone in having sat with some properly heavy feelings this week.

I don’t have adequate words for the horror of the wars going on. The images from Gaza make me sob and it doesn’t feel like doing anywhere near enough to donate or to sign petitions, but I do those because I can’t bear to do or say nothing. I hate feeling helpless.

Even in tech, a topic I understand more deeply than war, I can feel helpless when I see something that makes me weep for the negative impacts it has on real people. Trump's casual language in his AI updates this week and the creeping dread of his "war on woke" rolling back years of progress on fairness, equality, basic human decency. The pre-emptive fear that big tech companies will simply pander to it all, baking ever more harmful biases into the AI models we're all increasingly reliant on.

We said goodbye to a local hero this week on the Isle of Man, friend to everyone Raz a kind and caring human who had to be up there as one of the world’s most active music supporters! … So yeah, the “smaller” cruelties I saw and experienced this week can make me even more cross against a backdrop of sadness and atrocity, I just don’t get why it isn’t a higher priority for some not treating people with more care or respect.

Some days the weight of it all feels impossible to carry.

Yet here I am, writing about finding purpose and meaning whilst the world seems determined to crush both. Here you are, reading about ikigai whilst your heart might be breaking for people you'll never meet but deeply care about.

How do we reconcile this? How do caring humans navigate finding joy and meaning when there's so much genuine suffering to bear witness to?

It’s important to be conscious of toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing… but at a certain point we also need to not be scared to speak up or question how we cope. This is about survival… emotional, practical, purposeful survival for people who give a shit about the state of the world.

The mathematics of caring

You can feel guilt experiencing joy when others are suffering, laughing at something ridiculous your cat did, then feeling awful because how dare you feel light when the world is so heavy?

You start planning a nice weekend with friends, then stop yourself. Is it selfish to look forward to things? To still want beauty and connection and small pleasures when there's so much pain?

I’ve wrestled with this a LOT and come to the conclusion that misery helps nobody.

A constant state of despair doesn't alleviate anyone else's suffering. Your guilt about feeling okay doesn't make the world's problems smaller and your paralysis from overwhelming sadness doesn't translate into meaningful action.

You know what does help? Being emotionally resourced enough to show up when it matters.

We weren't designed to carry the emotional weight of every crisis happening simultaneously across the globe. Our nervous systems evolved to care about our immediate tribe, our local community and the people we could actually touch and help.

Social media has exploded that natural boundary. Now we're expected to feel equally devastated about conflicts on every continent, every injustice, every tragedy, all at once. We're drowning in a constant stream of outrage and heartbreak, much of it happening to people we can't directly help.

This doesn't mean we stop caring. It means we get strategic about how we care.

I've been thinking about this like energy management. You have a finite amount of emotional bandwidth. You can spend it all doom-scrolling until you're too depleted to help your neighbour carry her shopping, or you can choose where to direct it most effectively.

Some battles are yours to fight. Others belong to different warriors, in different locations, with different skills and resources. Standing shoulder to shoulder with people when they need it most doesn't mean carrying every fight as if it's your own.

Finding your good souls

One of the things that's kept me sane this week has been the people in my life, both the ones I can hug in person and the ones I've grown close to in online spaces, who care about making the world a better place.

These are the conversations that matter.. sitting with the fear and anger and sadness together, acknowledging how bloody awful things feel, then gently helping each other find ways through. Not rushing to fix or minimise the feelings, but creating safe spaces to express them fully.

Then, when we've sat with the heaviness for a while, we start looking for the small actions we can take. Ways to direct our energy into constructive change rather than letting the negativity paralyse us completely.

We can look for ways to give back, to be in service, to volunteer… even making one person's day slightly better is meaningful work.

Tiny redirections of energy from helpless worry into purposeful action and proof that caring doesn't have to equal drowning.

The radical act of replenishment

You have to top up your own cup if you want to keep pouring for others.

Taking time to walk in nature isn't selfish when it gives you the strength to keep fighting for environmental protection. Watching a funny film isn't frivolous when it stops your brain from fracturing under the weight of constant crisis. Spending an evening with friends talking about anything other than the state of the world isn't denial, it's maintenance.

The flight attendant instruction to put your own oxygen mask on first doesn’t mean you matter more than the person next to you. It's because you can't help anyone if you've passed out from lack of air.

Your mental health is a public service. Your emotional stability allows you to show up consistently for the people and causes that need you. Your capacity for joy means you can offer hope to others when theirs runs low.

I believe in bearing witness. I don't want to look away from suffering or pretend everything's fine when it clearly isn't… but there's a difference between staying informed and becoming devastated.

I've had to learn where my limits are. How much news I can consume before it stops being helpful information and starts being emotional self-harm. Which sources give me facts I can act on versus those that just amplify my anxiety.

I've had to accept that I can't research every crisis thoroughly enough to have an expert opinion. I can't attend every protest, sign every petition, donate to every cause, carry every person's pain as if it were my own.

What I can do is pick my battles thoughtfully. Focus on the areas where my particular skills, resources, privilege and location can make the biggest difference. Trust that others are fighting equally hard in their chosen arenas.

Channeling my care into hopeful messaging is part of that for me, it’s about becoming sustainable.

Your ikigai in troubled times

So where does this leave us with finding purpose and meaning? How do we seek ikigai when the world feels like it's falling apart?

Perhaps your reason for being becomes even more important during dark times. Perhaps your particular way of contributing to the world matters more, not less, when hope feels scarce.

Your ikigai might be the way you create pockets of safety for others to process their fears. It might be your ability to research complex issues and translate them into actionable information. It could be your talent for making people laugh when they need it most, or your gift for seeing beauty in small moments and reminding others to notice it too.

Maybe your purpose is being the person who shows up with practical help when others are overwhelmed by the enormity of global problems. Perhaps it's using your platform, however small, to amplify voices that need to be heard.

The world needs people who can hold both the heartbreak and the hope. Who can sit with difficulty without being crushed by it. Who can take action without burning themselves out in the process.

Small acts of practical love matter too.

Ikigai during difficult times might look different from ikigai during easier ones. It might be quieter, more local, more focused on preservation than expansion. It might be about creating small islands of sanity and kindness whilst the storms rage around us.

Your reason for being might simply be to remain a caring human who hasn't been hardened by the world's cruelty. To keep your heart open without letting it break completely. To find ways to help that don't destroy your capacity to keep helping.

You don't have to carry every crisis as your personal responsibility. You don't have to stay constantly angry to prove you care (I struggle with this a LOT). You don't have to sacrifice your own wellbeing on the altar of global consciousness. What you do need to do is stay functional enough to be useful. Resourced enough to respond rather than react. Grounded enough in your own purpose to weather the storms without losing yourself completely.

The world needs you whole, not broken and it needs your particular flavour of caring, directed thoughtfully rather than scattered desperately.

Find your good souls. Create your safe spaces. Bear witness to what you can handle. Take action where you can make a difference. Rest when you need to. Replenish your resources. Keep going.

This is how caring humans survive scary times. This is how we keep seeking ikigai even when it feels impossibly hard.

We do it together. We do it gently. We do it without letting the darkness win.

Hope isn't naive optimism. Hope is a radical act of trying to mend what's broken even when you're not sure it will hold… and right now, the world needs all the repair work it can get

Sarah, seeking ikigai xxx

PS - I'd love to hear from you in the comments. How are you managing the balance between staying informed and staying sane? What small acts of hope are you choosing this week? Let's remind each other that we're not alone in this… I care deeply about the atrocities of war and will take the small actions I can, but I know I can have more impact helping people with responsible AI use, so that is where more of my time and emotional energy will be channeled.

PPS - If you're struggling with any of this, please reach out to someone… a trusted friend, your doctor, the Samaritans… taking care of your emotional wellbeing is so important, the world needs you here and functioning.

PPPS - Good Souls & Small Acts Reflection - Start with bullet journal reflection to get clear on your support system;

• Who are my good souls? (People who make you feel less alone in your caring)

• How do they help me process difficult feelings? (What do they say/do that helps?)

• When do I feel most resourced to help others? (What conditions help you show up?)

• What small acts feel authentic to me? (Not what you "should" do, but what feels genuine)

Create a Good Souls Tracker with columns for;

• Name | How we connected | Energy after | Small act I took | Joy I noticed

Use this weekly with a targeted AI prompt "I'm building a sustainable network of 'good souls' - people who help me stay caring without burning out. Based on my tracker this week [share observations], help me: 1) Identify which connections most effectively help me process difficult world events, 2) Suggest small, authentic ways I can strengthen these relationships, 3) Brainstorm meaningful micro-actions I can take that align with my values and current capacity, 4) Help me notice patterns in what restores my hope so I can be more intentional about it."

Because sustainable activism means knowing who's got your back and what fills your cup.

PPPPS - If you fancy a small act of connection today, put on 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' and think about the good souls in your life who've been that bridge for you. Then maybe text one of them to say thanks. Music has this way of reminding us we're not as alone as we sometimes feel.