Cosy Web Connections Unite the Digital Divide

Characterised by discord (not *that* one "Discord in the gaming community" the problem they wished to solve), cosy web re-emerging an ikigai principle as the WORLD NEEDS empathy & deeper connection

I love the term cosy web. It reminds me that I found lots of my kind of people online in the early days, from right across the world, and it was awesome.

I’m a simple soul, I’ve got red hair and hugely related to Ariel, the Little Mermaid.

“Betcha on land they understand

Bet they don't reprimand their daughters

Bright young women, sick of swimmin'

Ready to stand”

On reading Pay it Forward in 1999 I fell in love so so hard with that concept, naive hippy that I am.  Et voila! my online nickname and/or username was set.  If I could get it I’d go for Ariel, more often than not though I was ArielPayIt4ward. Ariel was very very similar to Sarah, she might even have been more real than Sarah was allowed to be.  I’ve always been me online, I didn’t really play around with adopting a persona.  Or at the very least I’ve always treated people online with the same respect I would if they were stood in front of me.  Not everyone played the online game in the same way I did.

I have been in trouble for being too honest online before now, in my personal and work life in the 90’s and early 00’s.  These were the days though before companies realised that people like to connect with people not brands. That a tone of voice, a human touch, was actually ok if you were careful with where the line was drawn. I might have been a little ahead of the curve in thinking it better to be human online than robotic hehe.

A brief history of netty stuffs

I first started going online in earnest in 1998, I don’t think I can really count early forays online at uni in 94 using gopher which I can only vaguely remember now!  Moving from IRC channels to ICQ and forums and bulletin boards, usually aligned to a geeky topic or game.  Fondly remember LAN nights too, playing Unreal Tournament or Quake and sharing music.  I had the biggest and heaviest monitor and gaming machine, how on earth did I manage to drag them to so many events?!

Blogger and MySpace gave us easy ways to carve out our own corner of the web to share thoughts and connect with people on an even deeper level, which evolved into our own sites.  There used to be so many lovely community driven tools and initiatives to help people find each other.  Search wasn’t that great initially, then it really was when Google first started, then it got shit again when adverts became more important than serving you up relevance. So we had things like bloghop, where we would join up and encourage people once they’ve read our latest post to find another blog to read.  We had directories where like minded souls from around the world would link to their friends.  Genuine authentic connections because we liked each other, not because there was any financial gain.

Whatever happened to netiquette?

It used to be explicitly stated quite often. Now I think of it though, there were corners of the net that were a little friendlier to noobs than others.  I understand that human desire to lord it over people a little, I try hard not to do it, but there’s that part of us that is happy to be part of a clique, to know the inside jokes.  What I really loved about games like Dark Age of Camelot and World of Warcraft is that pretty much every night you went online someone would be there to help if you asked nicely.  There was a darker side too, some nights it was exhausting to be a female in online gaming, but we found ways to be safe.  Not least for me was to take control, to create my own guild or co-lead with real life friends, to beat them at their own game and be the best healer *grin*.

People are quick to pile on, we would all do well to remember that there is a human behind a username.  We have no idea of their lived experience.  I’ve had horrible days when I’ve been snappier than usual and upset people.  I’ve had days where I’ve taken something to heart that in hindsight wasn’t meant as harshly as I took it.

What went wrong with social media?

Facebook used to be awesome.  It didn’t take too long though for the initially useful feed to become harder and harder to control.  Most of us wanted to see the people and causes we care about, and preferably in order of most recent happening.  In the last few years it has gotten intolerable, random stuff that bears no relation to me at all.  I should probably delete and start again, but we are wedded to our history and pics, so I keep it purely for that reason.  I don’t see too much toxicity because it’s more about friends and family, and they are mostly non toxic, ahem!

Twitter, now X, has long been a site that never properly clicked with me.  I used to have it on TweetDeck and follow certain hashtags and people to learn from people in my work life and my personal interests.  However I never did like how shouty and loud it was.  How people tended to be trying to craft views and virality, rather than actually connect with fewer but deeper and like minded souls. I never sought out an argument, but far too often content that upset me or angered me was paraded in front of me.  

These platforms were revolutionary in connecting the world, but they have also inadvertently fostered environments where hate speech, polarised debates, and misinformation can thrive. I think anonymity and distance leads to a breakdown in social norms, allowing individuals to engage in behaviour they might otherwise avoid in face-to-face interactions.

Reddit; a model that works?

I know Reddit gets a bad rap, but I love it.  When you are searching for the answer to a question, no matter how obscure, there’s usually a sub reddit for that and you get lots of reddit answers in the search engine results page. I love it because it kind of self moderates two fold, one because you have to opt in to join a community which has its own stated rules and norms.  You are often actively encouraged to lurk a while first before posting.  Then you get the proper Reddit effect, where you can upvote or downvote posts.  On average this mostly works, on a gut level I wouldn’t have predicted that, but it does! … People want to prove their worth, that they know stuff, so they are motivated to answer questions and they are motivated to downvote answers they know to be wrong.  Yes you do get a slightly younger male vibe to a lot of topics, but it doesn’t detract from the fact that you get like minded souls congregating in niche interest subs.  I have never sought out the darker corners, and I’ve never accidentally stumbled into a group I wasn’t expecting.  A mix of #minecraft and #britishproblems and #dogadvice amongst others, my feed is always interesting!

What about LinkedIn?

People can be so dismissive about LinkedIn, but it’s the other social media site I really rate.  It self moderates in a different way.  It might have started as just an online CV, but over recent years it has allowed people to connect with the professions or sectors they resonate with, can learn from and can share content with.  People are mostly their actual selves on there and make reference to where they work.  Thankfully the really stoopid misogynists have outed themselves, people being hateful and not having read the room and then having people tag their bosses into the discussion thread.  I shouldn’t smile really, as I’ve previously said I don’t like pile ons.  However when people are spreading harmful content or ideas they do need to be pulled up, I just hope they also get some support to understand why it’s not appropriate.

Why are we online and what might be a better model?

When I first started this project and thought experiment, I was doing a lot of journaling.  A lot of brainstorms and thinking about WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS.  I am very conscious that there is a LOT of hate and division, a lot of escalating inequality, a lot of hate speech to people who are vulnerable, a lack of engagement in politics and so many issues with social media and most of its models.

I don’t know about you, but I am online to make friends, to learn stuff, to share stuff, to collaborate, to become a better human and to try and make my ‘corner’ of the world a better place.  So I have been ideating about what I would do if I were to create a new type of social media.  It will probably never be so big again, well I hope. No-one should become a billionaire and be able to influence the ENTIRE world with an app like this.  Web3 is a much healthier ethos, decentralised, user generated and protected.  Here is my mind map, if you want to work with me on this please shout out!  I was definitely working on methods that allow for smaller groups.

One thing I keep coming back to when trying an experiment for something different;

If I could only pick 10 hashtags/topics, would that make me more intentional and less likely to troll?

If there was an app like Reddit, but I had to limit how many channels I could speak in, I would definitely more intentionally pick the topics that mean the most, and ones where I have important things to say.  It would also mean that I had more to lose in terms of social capital.  It brings me back to the notion of personal monopoly, honing in on what makes me unique and the spheres that mean the most, the lens of ikigai definitely helps.

What should we be thinking about with any changes to online communities?

The concept of ikigai, a 'reason for being,' comprises four pillars: what you love, what you are good at, what you can be paid for, and critically, what the world needs. In an era rife with online hostility and misinformation, what the world arguably needs most is a digital environment that fosters empathy, understanding, and genuine human connections; qualities that are often overshadowed in the current online world.

Smaller, community-focused digital havens prioritise meaningful interactions over viral content and echo chambers. They serve as nurturing grounds for empathy and understanding, aligning seamlessly with the ikigai principle of contributing positively to the world.  Substack seems to be more this way than not, I’ve met so many awesome souls on here!

These spaces often operate under guidelines that encourage respectful discourse and mutual understanding. From small forums and private groups to platforms dedicated to specific hobbies or causes, the cosy web is less about broadcasting to the masses and more about engaging in meaningful dialogue with like-minded individuals.

Individuals are not just consumers of content but active participants in a shared journey and are also content creators or curators or collaborators. The cosy web allows for a deeper exploration of interests, fostering a sense of accomplishment and joy; key elements of ikigai.

Platforms that connect learners and experts from various backgrounds facilitate not just the exchange of knowledge but also cultural understanding. Participants in these communities often report a sense of global kinship, countering the isolation that can stem from algorithm driven social media feeds.  These groups offer a safe space for individuals to share experiences, offer advice, and find solace in the understanding that they are not alone in their struggles. The empathy and support found in these communities embody the essence of the cosy web; a digital fulfilment of ikigai's call to meet the world's needs.

We have a collective yearning for online spaces that are not only informative and entertaining but also nurturing and inclusive. By aligning with the ikigai principle of fulfilling what the world needs, the cosy web has the potential to transform the internet from a battleground of conflicting ideologies to a haven of global understanding and connection.

I’m Sarah, still Seeking Ikigai and I’d love to hear your thoughts on what would make the internet a kinder and more inclusive and positive space from your perspective? xxx