Did you end up with an accidental career too?
AKA why haven't I found my reason for being yet, shouldn't an intelligent nearly 48 year old have already found what ikigai means to her?
I don’t trust all my memories from my early teenage years, I was a complete mess at that time, but there are two questions that are relevant to my musing; 1) why didn’t I take GCSE art, it was something I really loved doing and had been naturally good at when younger? and 2) why wasn’t there more time and discussion given to career options and different pathways into them?
Options were limited when I had to pick, there wasn’t a way where you could take all of your favourites, something had to be sacrificed and at some point either me or a parent or teacher, must have decided that something else in that art bucket was a course I ‘should’ be doing. It looks even worse now, last time I looked there were even fewer choices left as RE now seems to be mandatory, but IT or Computer Science, rather oddly in my opinion, isn’t! It strikes me as increasingly bizarre that there isn’t the ability with flexible or hybrid learning for people to do all the courses they are best at and enjoy the most. Especially on an Island of our size, it should be doable to work collaboratively across all schools to offer a full portfolio!
What I think more time and attention should be spent on though, is helping children decide and understand from a holistic and non-judgemental position. Start with that person as an individual, what they are naturally good at, what they love doing, where they are curious and passionate and help them see which of the topics would be most beneficial for them. Don’t limit them initially, don’t be thinking that they must go to university for example as that will start to make you pick subjects regardless of whether they will found them enjoyable. Why do we not prize happiness and good mental and emotional wellbeing above all else when having these conversations, why are we trying to constrain and box in our beautifully vibrant minded and individual children at such a young age?
It also strikes me that the way our educational systems work in my part of the world isn’t doing much to change or disrupt inequality. Some people do seem to be taught about the world being an abundant place, how to earn lots of money, how to connect with the right people etc etc while others don’t seem to be given any hope or aspiration that they should shoot for the moon. I don’t think this is just a responsibility for education of course, parents have a huge part to play in guiding their children but again I worry for those that don’t have enthusiastic cheerleaders in their lives, people who know how the world is changing and how that means that there is so much opportunity out there.
So I ended up doing some GCSEs I didn’t really like, which in turn limited my next set of options and also it was assumed I’d stay on for A-Levels, there didn’t seem to be anyone telling me about all the cool things that were being taught at college!
There was also an assumption that someone who at an earlier point in their life had been in the top set for nearly all subjects, definitely should go to university. I still didn’t really know what I wanted to do and other things in my life seemed higher priority, so I drifted. I chose something through clearing so that I could go to the same uni as my boyfriend at the time. The course really didn’t suit me, very mathematical, which isn’t something I’m as naturally good at as language or art or computing. I became very depressed and ended up leaving after a year.
That set me on a path of temping because I needed to earn money to be able to stay in Bristol, and that definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone. Meeting new people and having to learn a new job role several times a year at the age of 19 was probably the making of me in lots of ways, although when I reflect back I don’t know why I thought that an office job was the only pathway open to me.
When it came to settling back on the Isle of Man I was offered a placement with a company I had worked at in the Summer holidays, our local telecommunications company. I ended up being there for 24 years after thinking it would just be for a year or two until it became clearer what I wanted to be when I grew up! There were many reasons I stayed there for so long, most of them very positive as it was an exciting time joining in 1996 and being able to move into their nascent ISP arm in 1998 and grow an internet user base from scratch including getting people’s modems physically connected up, right through to creating a website and forums community to give people a reason to get online.
I became a parent in 1999 and sadly my first marriage broke down a few years later, so it became top priority for me to be financially independent. I didn’t want to ask anyone for help either, I wanted to be able to keep renting privately and be able to give my daughter everything she needed. That was a big motivator for me to keep up with pushing forward in my career path, to shoot for management and beyond. Due to my love of tech and gadgets I really enjoyed working there, it was definitely hitting a couple of the ikigai boxes for me most of the way through the different roles I had.
There were definitely elements missing for me at times too, especially in the realms of whether I was really doing something to help with ‘what the world needs’. I think that is why moving to the Government appealed to me, that desire to be able to influence how our Island is governed and advocate for and deliver positive change. Now I’m on the inside I don’t know if it is more effective overall to push for senior management in the civil service, or if as a politician is the more influential path, and that makes me question if I have the right sort of personality and thick skin to be able to do that!
The other factor that has probably narrowed my options and therefore subconsciously I haven’t been pushing myself to properly seek ikigai, is having taken on a mortgage 5 years ago (15 years to go) and being primary breadwinner in my wonderful second marriage, and being step parent to three. Any conclusions I come to need to ensure that we can find a way to keep paying the bills too while I transition or retrain or whatever it might end up being.
I’m committed now though, I want to channel my curiosity and my hunger to help into something that also moves me closer to a confident voice and a place of knowing I am a better version of me because I am truly doing something that I love, am good at, is something the world needs and something that is valued, so that I am paid enough to keep my family and pets comfortable.
I’m excited to explore methods to unearth these options and share that learning with you, and I’d love to hear from you about how intentional and deliberate you feel your route was from school into work?
Sarah, Seeking Ikigai xxx