On loss and love

Let go of complicated feelings

I received some sad and shocking news yesterday.  It disrupted my complicated thoughts about IWD (International Women’s Day) and it threw any other topic I may have written about this weekend right out of the window.

My friend Luke, better known to us as Piglet, passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack a few days ago.  He was younger than me. I loved him very much and am struggling to reconcile this news with the fact I saw and hugged him only two weeks ago.  I didn’t even bother to speak to him much then, so sure I was in the fact that we would have very many future opportunities to do so.

We don’t always have tomorrow.  How had I forgotten this?

I can’t regret it though, I did get one of his super sized super squeezy proper bone deep hugs.  I hope you have true friends, where when you hug you don’t want to let go and just relax into it.  He was the best hugger.

I need to share some pictures and words to honour him.

My husband Andrew, me and Piglet

For Piglet

Friendship braided in twixt time beside the campfire glow
A tapestry of wisdom, in warmth and light we sew
Threads of laughter woven tight, a bond of me and you
Straightforward and solid, your love so kind and true

Yarn of sorrow sharply spun through the weft of day
Grappling with a tale so cruel that you were torn away
Your loss sent shockwaves and disturbed the still night air
A void where once your essence lived, a loss so hard to bear

Now I must thread this needle through the grief to grace,
Darning your memory into my life, solace in shared space
A task both bitter and sweet, as your spirit guides my hand
A promise to carry your love in ways I'm yet to understand

It cuts my hands this work of love, a brambled, tangled skein
But every prickle whispers worth, a lesson that won't wane
Rainbows dance where once you stood, a crack that lets in light
Your beauty, your strength, a guiding force, forever shining bright

Rest In Peace my friend, Sarah xxx

Piglet took pics as LPE Photos, he captured loads at my wedding in 2015.  I chose two to share here, the one that was my favourite of his, and the one he said was his;

If you made it this far thank you it means the world.

I probably don’t need to tell you to hold your loved ones dear, to not put stuff off for the next time.  Just in case though, I hope you can take some good from the pain of this.

I don’t know if I’ll come back to IWD separately here in the near future. I probably will write more about gender equity as that is for sure one of the world problems I care about hugely.  Clare Josa wrote a good article which says a lot of what I wanted to by the way.  The TLDR of it all was the fact it is a shame that a marketing organisation of unclear motive or ownership has co-opted stuff.  The United Nations proper theme is Accelerate Progress: #InvestInWomen, which as Clare says; 

Now that's actionable. And measurable. But definitely more scary for some organisations than the woolly off-the-hookness of 'inspire inclusion'.

What does “InspireInclusion” even mean?  Isn’t inclusion the bare minimum everyone should expect in a civilised society??! In fact, isn’t that actually what society means?

Part of me feels exhausted due to anger, sadness and fear of the environment that clearly exists for women and girls, pretty much everywhere in this world.  Hates that this is a one day thing.  A marketing thing.  A performative thing.  Where are the actual tangible changes? Why aren’t more men becoming proper allies? Why are we still gendering things so much for kids? Why are reports showing that young men think equality has gone too far the other way (erm, WTAF?) What are the experiments and data points we need to gather to speed up getting to an equitable world?

There is the ever present and pervasive fear I always have in speaking up at all.  You risk being labelled too difficult and just too much.

Ahem, ok, yes I clearly do need to work through these complicated feelings at some point.  The line from Depeche Mode’s Freelove states;

“Let go of complicated feelings then there’s no price to pay”

I like this song a LOT for that, but also for the fact it is about a type of love I am so very lucky to have with a few people.  I had it in spades with Piglet.  A genuinely decent human being who personified the best of us and he loved his mates unabashedly.

No hidden catch

No strings attached

Just free love

PS - Share with me your best words of comfort for loss; your favourite poems, songs and memories.. I will keep weaving together words and pictures and memories in the coming weeks <3

PPS - So very much love to you and yours xxx