Preaching to the Choir Sounds So Sweet
Is a converted congregation the best catalyst for societal change?
🌸 ikigai 生き甲斐 is a reason for being, your purpose in life - from the Japanese iki 生き meaning life and gai 甲斐 meaning worth 🌸
Jane Evans founder of the 7th Tribe, an inspiring community I am a member of, said something that I have to remind myself of often "Even saying 'fight the patriarchy' is patriarchal thinking" While tech bros move fast and break things, she says that the matriarchs need to move fast and fix them, while building new and better ways to be.
It’s a fine line to tread, carefully selecting the words to write about all this… mind you women are tone policed regardless so I should probably spend less time editing and get on with the sharing *grin* … I’m not advocating for swallowing rage or playing nice. Hells no! The fairies know I feel fury on a pretty regular basis these days… I know that anger is sacred fuel, we can feel the fire AND choose where to direct the flame.
Sadness is there as often to be honest. Tears shed for the pain and suffering of ANY creature anywhere on our planet. I care, I want to make stuff better, to serve and to give back.
I’m questioning how strategically I’ve approached certain things recently (and how strategically I want to, let’s face it I’m definitely more passion and empathy driven than logic), noodling on whether I believe in a thesis inspired by overhearing Simon Sinek say he’s not in the persuading business he’s in the inspiring business… making the point that in the nitty gritty of who he markets to and how, he wants people who are already open to change and looking for a way to better themselves, not wasting time arguing with people who don’t believe it possible to build a better world.... does this really work when we want to affect societal shifts to improve unfairness, especially gender imbalance, racism, transphobia, disability discrimination etc?
My thesis for this essay; “Effective social movements don't waste energy converting sceptics, they amplify the voices of believers until the chorus becomes impossible to ignore”
Do we spend our precious energy trying to convince people who aren't ready to listen, or do we pour it into the people who are already reaching for something different?
Seeking ikigai in activist spaces could mean recognising your reason for being isn't to exhaust yourself converting the unconverted, we could prioritise creating conditions where transformation becomes irresistible.
The mathematics of magnetic change
Research from the University of Pennsylvania suggests the threshold for change in a group may not be as high as we intuitively feel is needed, e.g. over 50%. Social scientist Damon Centola and his colleagues discovered that you don't need to convert the majority, you need to reach a critical mass of committed believers. When roughly 25% of people in a group adopt a new social norm, it creates a tipping point where the entire group follows suit.
The researchers suggest we may have witnessed this pattern with movements like #MeToo and Black Lives Matter, where committed minorities grew until they reached a critical mass that triggered broader societal change, well in some people’s thinking at least. In their controlled experiments, the researchers found that even when they doubled and tripled financial incentives for people to stick with established behaviours, a minority group could still overturn the group norm once they crossed that 25% threshold.
Think about how this can play out in intersectional feminist communities. When women gather to create matriarchal systems. Lifting all women, centring those who face the steepest climbs, building structures that actually work. Something magnetic happens, you're not spending meetings defending why trans women belong, arguing that ageing as a woman is fricking tough or justifying why Black women's experiences matter differently. You're assuming these truths and getting on with the exhilarating work of construction and creation.
Shout out to #NONO (Not Over, Not Out), another amazing group I am privileged to be a member of, building something amazing for the most powerful and influential female demographic on the planet (50+ women).
The exhaustion economy
More maths, that every woman who's ever explained feminism at a dinner party will recognise. Convincing one passionate advocate beats arguing with ten fence-sitters, not just morally or strategically, but energetically.
You could spend three hours trying to move a sceptic from "women are too emotional for leadership" to "maybe some women could lead sometimes" Meanwhile, that same three hours with someone who already believes "women make excellent leaders" could transform them into someone actively creating pathways for other women, mentoring junior colleagues or completely restructuring their team dynamics.
The person who's already 80% aligned might need that final 20% push towards action. The fence-sitter needs you to overcome decades of conditioning, social proof and often fundamental worldview shifts. The energetic mathematics are brutal, ten conversations that go nowhere versus one transformative exchange that creates a multiplier effect.
In the principles of social psychology, looking at persuasion versus attraction reveals that we are most attracted to people who are similar to us in terms of our values, beliefs and attitudes. As their agreement with our choices helps reduce uncertainty and validates our own perspectives.
Do we consider the cost to the persuader?
Women especially know the exhaustion economy intimately. We're socialised to be the emotional labour force, the ones who explain, educate and gently guide others towards basic human decency. Many of us have spent SO many years in conversations where we're simultaneously defending our right to exist while trying to inspire change. It's like being asked to build a house while constantly justifying why you deserve shelter.
Activism often feels like standing at the gates, repeatedly explaining why you deserve entry. We need an approach that flips the script entirely. Build your own gorgeous city and live so joyously within it that people start asking how to get an invitation.
Consider what could happen when you stop trying to convince sceptics and start amplifying believers. One woman experiences genuine support in an intersectional feminist space and transforms how she shows up at work. Another sees matriarchal leadership modelled and brings those principles home to her family. The change spreads through demonstration, not debate.
There is wisdom in choosing your battles by their energetic sustainability.
Yes, injustice demands response. A revolutionary response may not be in arguing with systems designed to exhaust you, but building alternatives so compelling they make the old ways look pathetic by comparison?
The ripple effect of inspired insiders in fortress communities
Social psychology research consistently shows that attractive speakers are more persuasive than unattractive speakers and that we respond more positively to sources we find credible and likeable. When you're building something genuinely beautiful, when your community radiates joy and effectiveness, you become naturally attractive to people searching for their place.
Perhaps ikigai is less about converting opponents and more often felt in the deep satisfaction of creating with people who share your vision. Social movements can change the culture of an entire community on issues like marriage equality or workplace norms when they reach that critical mass of committed believers.
The genius of preaching to the choir is that choirs get louder. They harmonise. They practice until their voices carry further than any individual could manage alone. When you stop diluting your message for sceptics and start amplifying it for believers, the song becomes impossible to ignore.
When people perceive things as limited in availability, they tend to find them more attractive. There's something to be said for creating communities that are exclusive by virtue of their values, not demographics. When your group is known for deep intersectional analysis, genuine support and effective action, people want in because you've demonstrated something they desire.
Communities of women building matriarchal alternatives are amplification chambers. Every woman who experiences genuine support, intersectional solidarity and effective leadership becomes a walking advertisement for what's possible. She doesn't need to argue the case for change, she embodies it.
The old model insists we must convince everyone. The new model suggests we inspire enough of the right people. It's energetic, sustainable and more powerful than any argument could ever be.
The ikigai of selective engagement
Not every conversation is yours to have, not every mind is yours to change. Hell even thinking that way can be harmful, what is more healing and helpful is to listen with curiosity to those around you and learn from them. Put the effort in to think from other people’s perspectives, the world is SO boring (and definitely UNSAFE) when only one type of voice is heard.
We are social creatures who can find ways to get along harmoniously, and need to get better at remembering that!
This strategic thinking extends beyond traditional activism into emerging spaces like artificial intelligence. Being passionate about AI's potential makes me even more focused on ensuring women's voices are heard and involved in shaping how we all use this technology. Rather than spending (too much *ahem*) energy arguing with tech bros, I'm pouring it into communities like Women Love AI, where we're already building the future we want to see. It's the same principle, amplify the voices that want to create change rather than exhausting ourselves trying to convince those who aren't ready to listen.
Your ikigai might be in creating spaces where intersectional feminism thrives, where matriarchal leadership flourishes, where women of all backgrounds find genuine support.
Choosing when and where to have difficult conversations. It might mean recognising that the person already committed to intersectional feminism but struggling with implementation, is a better investment than the one still arguing whether intersectionality matters at all.
So let them call it preaching to the choir. Some songs deserve to be sung with full voice until the whole world hears the harmony. When you find your ikigai in building beautiful alternatives rather than battling broken systems, you're not avoiding the fight, you're changing the entire game.
Who's in your choir? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, and to celebrate who we could be celebrating and amplifying more!
Sarah, seeking ikigai xxx
PS - Journal prompt for finding your choir - create a reflection spread in your bullet journal;
Your 25% Who are the people already aligned with your values who could benefit from deeper engagement? List them and consider how you might amplify their voices.
Community Vision Describe your ideal intersectional community in vivid detail. What does it look like when everyone's thriving? How does it feel to be part of it?
PPS - AI exploration prompt:
"I'm interested in building more effective activist communities based on the concept of 'preaching to the choir' rather than constantly trying to convert sceptics. Help me analyse my current approaches to social change work. Where am I spending energy on persuasion versus inspiration? How could I redirect my efforts towards deepening existing support and building magnetic alternatives? Please help me brainstorm specific strategies for creating the kind of intersectional feminist spaces that naturally attract people who are ready for change."
PPPS - Book recommendation!
I couldn’t talk about choirs without a link to the awesome work by James Sills. His book, “Do Sing” is gorgeous, he’s such an advocate for singing as a transformative and community focussed positive action.
PPPPS 🎶Today’s soundtrack had to be "Like A Prayer" by Madonna
That gorgeous gospel choir sound and the video (loved reading this substack article from the Guyliner about it!), that albeit clumsily, was holding up a mirror to racism… and 13 year old me, with my died curly black hair trying to hide the fact I was ginger, feeling like that this was the only time I could possibly pull off trying to look like her *nostalgic sigh*