Purposeful Rebellion
Why rule-breakers find meaning first
🌸 ikigai 生き甲斐 is a reason for being, your purpose in life - from the Japanese iki 生き meaning life and gai 甲斐 meaning worth 🌸
The most meaningful paths often diverge from the well-trodden ones. Perhaps it's time we celebrated the rebels among us, and the rebel within us.
I have a bit of a tendency to be a good girl.
I was the girly swot shooting her hand up first in primary school. I have to consciously overrule that tendency when in a group setting to allow others to volunteer or speak. I do like to follow (most) rules to the letter, well things like recipes anyway… and I *always* read an instruction manual before starting something new hehe.
Obligations are met with a smile even when I am crumbling inside.
Being good becomes a habit, then an identity, then a prison of your own making.
And yet... there's always been a tiny, persistent voice that has got louder and makes me wonder….. What if I just... didn't?
What if I didn't follow the script I've been handed? What if I questioned the expectations that have been piling up since before I could even speak? What if being "good" isn't actually good for me at all?
I'm starting to believe that meaningful rebellion, thoughtfully breaking free from inherited expectations, might be an important first step towards finding genuine purpose. Not rebellion for its own sake, but purposeful rebellion that creates space for authenticity to emerge.
When I look at people who seem to have found their ikigai, there's often a story where they had to break some rules, disappoint some people, or challenge some "truths" they'd been taught.
The inherited life vs. the examined one
Most of us spend decades living by defaults we never chose.
We absorb values from our families, expectations from our culture, definitions of success from society. Like water to fish, these influences are often invisible to us, they're just "how things are".
I think this is a HUGE problem. How can you find YOUR unique sparkly purpose if you're living someone else's definition of a good life?
Rebellion, thoughtful and intentional rebellion, creates the necessary space between inherited values and chosen ones. It's a pause that allows you to ask; "Is this actually what I believe? Is this really what matters to me?"
Without that pause, that questioning, that willingness to step outside the lines, we risk spending our entire lives efficiently climbing ladders propped against the wrong walls. Being very, very good at things that don't actually matter to us. Or things that no-one really needs, or the world needs for that matter.
I’d hate for this to cause midlife crisis or deathbed regret, that nagging sense that despite ticking lots of boxes something vital is missing.
Good rebels vs. bad rebels
I’ve never really got the concept of rebel without a cause, so I’m not talking about acting up for the sake of it or rejecting stuff without discernment.
For me there's a difference between being a good rebel and a bad rebel.
Bad rebels reject without reflection. They're driven by anger, reaction, or a desire to shock. Their rebellion leads nowhere because it's not for anything, it's just against things.
Good rebels are driven by clarity and purpose. They don't reject rules just because they're rules, they question rules to see if they serve what truly matters. They break from expectation not to destroy, but to create space for something more real.
Good rebels ask HEAPS of questions, they don’t just do as they are told;
"Does this serve my purpose? Does this align with my values? Does this bring me closer to the life that would feel meaningful to me? Does this make the world a better place?"
And sometimes, often, the answer is no. That's when purposeful rebellion becomes necessary.
Rebellion before ikigai
Looking at the traditional ikigai/hatarakigai diagram, the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for, there's perhaps a step missing.
Before you can even begin to explore those four circles, you need to clear the space to explore those questions honestly. You need to think about what you actually want, not what you've been told to want.
And that, dear readers, is where purposeful rebellion comes in.
Let’s think through a rebellious ikigai process, a necessary breaking of expectations that allows real purpose to emerge;
Recognise the inherited - Become aware of the values, expectations, and definitions of success you've absorbed from others
Question the defaults - Ask whether these inherited frameworks actually serve what matters to you
Define your own metrics - Create personal definitions of success based on what brings you meaning
Break what needs breaking - Thoughtfully step away from expectations that limit your true expression
Create from freedom - Build a life based on chosen values rather than inherited ones
This isn't a one-time process. In my experience, finding purpose requires cycles of rebellion. Moments where we notice we've slipped back into living by someone else's standards and need to break free again.
The good person rules that limit your purpose
What exactly are we rebelling against? Some of the most limiting expectations are disguised as "being a good person" rules;
Good people don't rock the boat. This keeps us silent when we should speak, passive when we should act. Purpose requires the courage to make waves sometimes.
Good people put others first. While consideration of others is super important, the extreme version prevents us from acknowledging our own needs and desires, which are essential guideposts to purpose.
Good people follow the established path. This keeps us on conventional tracks even when they lead nowhere meaningful for us personally.
Good people are productive. This measures worth by output rather than alignment, keeping us busy with things that often don’t really matter.
Good people are realistic. This limits dreams before they can take root, dismissing the unconventional possibilities where purpose often hides.
I've been guilty of living by all of these rules at various points, and each one has been a speed bump on my ikigai journey. Each has required a specific form of rebellion to overcome.
And I can tell you from experience, breaking some of these rules feels so so scary at first, then uncomfortable, then... surprisingly liberating.
Small rebellions with big meaning
Purposeful rebellion often starts with tiny acts of courage that gradually stretch your sense of what's possible.
Some small rebellions that can lead to big clarity;
The "no" rebellion - Declining something you normally would agree to out of obligation, creating space for what matters to you
The schedule rebellion - Blocking time for exploration, creativity, or rest even when it feels "unproductive"
The identity rebellion - Trying something that doesn't fit your usual self-image or others' expectations of you
The value rebellion - Questioning whether a "should" actually aligns with what you deeply care about
The expression rebellion - Sharing a perspective, idea, or creation even if it might be judged or misunderstood
Each small act of purposeful rebellion clears a little more space, like clearing overgrowth from a path, eventually, you can see where it actually leads.
I’ve declined offers that would have taken me further from my true purpose, despite how impressive it would have looked on my CV. I’ve moved roles for less money to take a chance on a more purposeful path. It’s always scary changing, but I also value the growth and exhilaration of pushing myself.
Small rebellions lead to bigger ones, each bringing me closer to what actually matters to me rather than what I thought should matter.
AI as a rebellion sandbox
AI tools can be powerful allies in this process to help us explore rebellion safely, a sandbox for considering counter cultural perspectives before testing them in real life. They can help you identify the inherited expectations you might be living by without realising it.
Try prompting AI with questions like;
What societal expectations might be influencing my career choices without my conscious awareness?
How might my family's values be shaping my definition of success?
What unconventional paths exist that I might not be considering due to cultural norms?
Because AI lacks the emotional attachments and ingrained beliefs we carry, it can sometimes highlight perspectives we've been blind to. It's like having a conversation partner who isn't caught in the same web of expectations you might be.
I've found AI to be a fab sounding board for exploring my own rebellious questions, a judgement-free space to consider alternatives to the defaults I've accepted.
AI tools can help us to explore;
Alternative viewpoints without fear of judgment
Questioning our conditioning by exposing us to diverse perspectives
Practising assertiveness in a consequence-free environment
Modeling different approaches to challenging situations
Finding language for expressing ideas we've been taught to suppress
When I notice myself holding back, I can explore what a more truthful response might look like, testing it in conversation with AI before bringing it into the real world.
This experimental space is valuable precisely because many women in particular, have been conditioned to avoid conflict or risk. AI gives us a playground for breaking free of that conditioning, for trying on different forms of rebellion to see which resonate with our deeper purpose.
The courage to break good
Let’s rebel by thoughtfully stepping away from being the person others expect, so you can become the person you're meant to be.
Breaking good doesn't mean rejecting all rules or abandoning responsibility. It means carefully examining which expectations actually serve your deeper purpose and which are limiting it.
It means asking; "Am I living this way because it truly matters to me, or because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't?"
Every time I've had the courage to answer this honestly, I've discovered another layer of inherited expectations I can shed, creating more space for a shinier path.
The beautiful paradox is that as we break free from the obligation to be "good" by someone else's definition, we often become more genuinely good. More authentic, more aligned, more capable of creating our unique contribution to this world.
Purposeful rebellion prompts
Ready to explore your own rebellious ikigai? Here are some journal prompts to start you off;
What "good person" rules do you live by that might be limiting your expression?
What would you do differently if you weren't worried about disappointing others?
What expectations have you inherited that don't actually align with what matters to you?
What small rebellion could you explore this week that might create space for more personal purpose?
Who do you admire for breaking from convention to follow their purpose? What can you learn from them?
Purposeful rebellion is about creating the space to discover what truly matters to you.
It's about breaking free from the "good" that isn't actually good for YOU, or your unique purpose.
What expectations might you need to rebel against to find your true ikigai? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Sarah, seeking ikigai xxx
PS - I'm still working on my own purposeful rebellion, still finding the courage to break free from some deeply ingrained programming. Some days I'm braver than others. But I've found that each small act of rebellion brings me closer to the clarity I seek, and I suspect the same might be true for you.
PPS - For a bit of rebellious inspiration, it has to be David Bowie's "Rebel Rebel", a beautiful soul who lived and breathed questioning defaults.
…bowie was the best…