The Echo of "It's Not Fair": From Tears to Tenacity
Navigating life's Labyrinth with the wisdom of ikigai
I remember standing in the kitchen, fists balled, tears streaming down my face as I shouted, "It's not fair!" Mum hadn’t counted out exactly the same number of chips for each of us. This outcry is a familiar chorus in the symphony of childhood, a siren song of injustice and a raw expression of a world perceived through a simplistic lens of fairness.
When we are tiny we scream with ferocity, shaking the very foundation of our universe, demanding fairness on our own terms. Yet, somewhere along the path of growing up and good girl conditioning, that primal lament quietens and morphs into a sigh or a resigned "that’s life". Well, most of the time, ahem!
I was reminded of this as I belted out Alanis Morissette's anthem of angst, "You Oughta Know" while driving in the sunshine this morning. The raw emotion in that lyric and cry of "It's not fair!" resonated, reminded me of the bitterness of youth and gave needed catharsis. I was singing at the top of my lungs and that line transformed into an almost primal scream and with it the tears came.
That echo of defiance reminded me of Labyrinth and the frequent grumbles of Sarah about the lack of fairness in her life. Having to babysit, having to share things with her brother. Her frustration was relatable to me watching it as a young teen, and how could I not see myself in her, we shared a name after all hehe
When gruff but loyal Hoggle echoes her complaint, Sarah stops short, seemingly struck by the universality of unfairness. The realisation dawns that sometimes, things just "are". She grows up a little. This simple acknowledgment doesn't negate the pain of injustice, but it plants a seed of acceptance.
This seed, I believe, can blossom into something even more powerful, a way to navigate the inevitable unfairness of life.
Ikigai as a process and system, gives clarity and focus allowing you to try and rise above
When we have a clear sense of purpose and direction for our life journey, then annoyances and injustices can lose their ability to completely derail.
The question becomes, does this hurt and pain move me closer to my ikigai or further away?
Does dwelling on an unfairness propel me towards my goals or pull me into a stagnant pool of negativity?
This isn't about burying our emotions or becoming passive in the face of injustice.
It's about harnessing that initial outrage, that echo of "It's not fair!", and either channelling it into something meaningful now, or deciding it’s better for you to leave it be, for the moment or forever.
We can acknowledge the sting while choosing to move forward. Taking control.
Pop culture provides a rich tapestry of those grappling with unfairness
Consider Katniss Everdeen, thrust into the Hunger Games, a brutal competition built on blatant inequality. Yet, she doesn't wallow in resentment; she fights for survival, not just for herself, but for those oppressed by the Capitol. Her anger fuels her actions, but her purpose; to protect her loved ones and liberate her district, guides her choices.
One of my favourite films, Spirited Away, starts with Chihiro feeling isolated and helpless after a move to a new town. When her parents are transformed into pigs by a sorceress, she enters the spirit world, a bizarre and potentially dangerous realm. Faced with demanding tasks and strange creatures, she fears losing herself and never returning home. Despite her fear and confusion, Chihiro finds inner strength and resourcefulness. She adapts to the spirit world, shows kindness even to intimidating figures, and learns to believe in herself. Through challenges and self-discovery, Chihiro rescues her parents, embraces her courage, and finds a way back to her own world, forever changed by her experiences.
These fictional narratives mirror our own journeys. Like them, we encounter moments of blatant unfairness, be it systemic inequalities, personal setbacks, or simply the curveballs life throws.
The initial reaction of "It's not fair!", is natural and a necessary release of frustration. But dwelling on it typically leads nowhere. Reminding ourselves of our wider purpose, allows us to take a pause, rise above and reframe the situation. The unfairness might still sting, but it doesn’t have to stop us or in any way harm the core of awesome that makes up who we are.
Growing up, learning when it makes sense to let go
For me ikigai is a lens through which I view the way I am moving through this world. Having a clear vision motivates me to discern between petty annoyances and true injustices, and that should guide my response.
Should we waste emotional energy fuming over a parking ticket, or channel that frustration into advocating for better parking infrastructure? Does dwelling on an argument with a family member serve our purpose, or should we seek reconciliation and understanding?
This isn't to say we become passive bystanders. When faced with true injustice, our ikigai can fuel our fight for change. Whether it's advocating for marginalised communities, speaking out against unfairness, or simply helping others in need, our purpose motivates us to work towards a more equitable, kind and supportive world.
Sometimes though, even with injustice, it is wise to pick your battles. It is difficult to let go when you know you are right. However I also know that there are only three solutions to any problem. If I’ve tried to change something but can’t, then I need to either accept it or leave it. I don’t have to (and certainly can’t) fix every unfairness issue in life, I need to keep myself strong and healthy for the areas where I am valued and can ultimately make a bigger difference.
The echo of "It's not fair" may never fully fade. But by nurturing my ikigai, I remember the best version of me and it is focusing on that that allows me to ultimately transform. As my personal word brainstorm at the beginning of 2024 reminds me, I am working on how to manifest positivity; calmly, kindly and persuasively.
PS: TLDR - When confronted with inequity, I’m grateful I can move beyond the crying and “It’s not fair” stage relatively quickly these days due to my tenacity in working towards ikigai.
I’ve learned that having a clear future vision and purpose ultimately allows you to think through whether a particular decision or way of being or thinking, is moving you closer to that or further away from it.
PPS: I’m trying so hard to spread positivity and maintain calmness, calm is a superpower! I’d love to hear from you, what is/are your word/s for 2024?