Turning Snarks into Sparks for Growth

ikigai and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Feedback

🌸 ikigai 生き甲斐 is a reason for being, your purpose in life - from the Japanese iki 生き meaning life and gai 甲斐 meaning worth 🌸

Ever been called ‘soppy’ for choosing kindness over criticism? I have, more times than I can count!

I like to lead with positivity because I know that building people up gives a much better outcome.

Why give feedback if you don't want to make something better?

In seeking ikigai I've seen an unexpected connection between this concept and the art of giving feedback, giving me a new framing for communicating it.

We value genuine feedback

I'm not saying we should only dish out praise. Far from it! Genuine feedback is invaluable. When we invite others to tell us what could be done differently, what's missing, or if we're off the mark, we really want to know. The goal is to make THE THING better, whatever that thing might be.

Many of us are motivated by helping others, and therefore, we definitely do want constructive criticism. It's lovely to hear that people find aspects of what we are doing helpful so we know what to keep doing! However real improvement comes from understanding what needs to change or what we've overlooked.

The missteps of malice, question motive

While we want to give honest feedback, there's a big difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary negativity.

It's worth asking ourselves; are we giving feedback to help, or are we letting our own negative feelings slip out as snarky comments?

Maybe it's time to take a hard look in the mirror and question our motives. Snide remarks and harsh critiques might offer a fleeting sense of superiority, but they rarely lead to positive change. Take responsibility for the delivery, as being mean just makes it seem like having an agenda, and any valuable message gets lost.

I recommend that when we are about to give feedback we pause for a moment.

Ask ourselves; am I contributing to growth, or am I venting my frustrations? This self-awareness is important, especially when dealing with organisations or institutions where it's easy to forget that there's a human being on the other end.

The human element in feedback

It’s so important to remember when you're delivering feedback to an organisation, that the person receiving it is just that, a human. A person with real feelings and needs.

We often forget this when we're dealing with large institutions, thinking we're just sending comments into a void or addressing a faceless entity. But at the other end of that feedback is a real person who often cares about their work and wants to make a difference.

When criticism is prevalent, choosing kindness matters. By delivering feedback thoughtfully, we not only enhance the likelihood that our message will be acted upon, we also contribute to a culture of mutual respect and continuous improvement.

Aligning feedback with ikigai

So, how does ikigai fit into all of this?

Finding joy and meaning in life is deeply connected to how we interact with, and show up for others.

When our feedback lifts people up instead of tearing them down, we're not only guiding them but also enriching our own journey.

The four elements of hatarakigai take on new meaning in this context;

• Love; Approaching feedback with compassion and care reflects a love for personal growth and human potential.

• Skill; The ability to communicate constructively is a skill that can be perfected. Giving constructive feedback is a skill that can be honed. The better you get at them, the more impact you can have.

• Need; The world desperately needs positive growth and development. We all need kindness and constructive communication to be happy and successful.

• Value; In any setting, personal or professional, the ability to give effective feedback enhances one's value. Being someone who elevates others makes you invaluable.

Crafting constructive feedback

So how do we make sure our feedback builds bridges instead of walls? Here are some practical steps:

1. Start with Positivity; Acknowledge what's working well before diving into areas of improvement.

2. Be Specific and Objective; Focus on the issue, not the person. This keeps the conversation productive.

3. Use "I" Statements; Frame your feedback from your perspective to avoid sounding accusatory, this is less likely to put someone on the defensive. For example, "I felt that..." instead of "You did..."

4. Offer Solutions;Don't just point out problems, suggest ways to improve. This shows you're invested in growth and making things better, rather than just being critical.

5. Choose the Right Moment; Timing is everything. Make sure the person is open and receptive.

6. Be Empathetic; Put yourself in their shoes. How would you want to receive this feedback, imagine how you would feel receiving the same feedback?

7. Remember the Human; Especially when dealing with organisations, remember there's a person on the receiving end.

Making kindness the default setting

So, why give feedback if you don't want to make something better?

Next time you're about to offer your tuppence, pause.

Consider how your words can build rather than break.

Make your feedback the kind that fuels growth, sparks inspiration, and maybe even brings a smile.

Behind every project, every policy, and every decision, there's still usually a person. Someone with hopes, fears, and a desire to make a difference. When we offer feedback with this in mind, we're not just improving a product or a process; we're nurturing human potential.

Let's make our feedback count. Let's make it constructive. And above all, let's make it kind.

Sarah, seeking ikigai xxx

PS - Your turn to spark growth! Share in the comments;

• What's the most impactful feedback you've ever received or given?

• Or of course let rip, tell me what is and isn’t working for you about my writing, your insights will help shape this, as I strive to share my ikigai learning journey to inspire or help others!

Did this resonate? Share it to spread a little ikigai in someone's feedback approach.

Let's turn snarks into sparks together! Your voice and experience matter, they could be the catalyst for someone else's growth, I’d love to continue this conversation with you.