Whose Life Is It Anyway?

I was looking for ikigai but found my agency down the back of the sofa with the remote control

🌸 ikigai 生き甲斐 is a reason for being, your purpose in life - from the Japanese iki 生き meaning life and gai 甲斐 meaning worth 🌸

I used to love “Whose Line is it Anyway?” watching Josie Lawrence, Tony Slattery and other comedians improvising based on the random prompts thrown to them by Clive Anderson or the audience.

Why does life sometimes feel like we're also just reacting to whatever gets thrown our way?  We aren’t on a TV game show, this is our actual life we're talking about, our one wild and precious life.

If you’ve ever wondered "how did I end up here?" you're not alone. It’s easy to get stuck on autopilot, following societal expectations without truly considering if they align with our deepest desires and values. Or just killing time and drinking wine.

This is where the concept of agency comes in, I don’t think you can find ikigai without it.

Agency is about taking control of your life. Being aware of what drives your behaviours and making conscious choices rather than drifting or letting external forces dictate your path. 

Let's break this down a bit shall we beautiful souls? Maybe a little bullet journal practice?

Life channel surfing log

Reclaiming agency starts with self-awareness. Understanding what makes you tick, what lights you up and what drains your energy.

I recommend creating a spread in your bullet journal. Tracking your energy levels and emotions over time can reveal patterns you might not have noticed before. It's a simple way to start exercising your agency by being more mindful about what truly matters to you in life.

As we notice these patterns it is easier to more intentionally move away from things that don’t serve us, and towards things that do.

Break the 4th wall, free us from a trance

We're all bombarded daily with messages telling us what we should want, how we should live, what success looks like. It's easy to get caught up in this consumer trance, chasing after things we don't really need or want. In blinkered thinking we only have a few options if we want to get through each day.

As Dan Koe provocatively puts it:

Nobody: 'I want to be trained into a job that I hate, work for 40 years, and get angry at a TV until I die'

Yet, the majority of people still do this

Wake up before it's too late

Ouch, right? But he's got a point, and when I first read his stuff it definitely made me sit up. How many of us are really awake to the choices we're making? Who created this show I’m performing in if I’m not the one writing the script?

I’m not demonising consumerism or consumption (much), but I do wonder how many people are conscious of the trade-offs. Maybe you can have a fancy car or holiday, but what are you giving up? A house deposit? The chance to start your own business? The disposable income to invest in learning a new skill? What’s the time trade off of spending hours consuming (social) media, rather than creating something ourselves?

There's no universally right answer here. I just think the key is to make these decisions consciously, aligned with your values and what truly matters to you. I fully get people prioritising travel, experiences are so precious in life especially when shared with our loved ones.

A script for reclaiming agency

So, how do we start reclaiming our agency? Here are a few practical steps:

1. Question your defaults; Next time you're about to make a decision, big or small, pause and ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I truly want to, or because it's what's expected of me?"

2. Practise mindful consumption; Before making a purchase, pause and reflect. Is this aligned with your values and goals? Or is it a response to clever marketing?

3. Explore your interests; Set aside time each week to try something new or go deeper into a passion. This is how you discover what you love and what you're good at, key components of hatarakigai and therefore ikigai.

4. Reflect regularly; Use your bullet journal to reflect on your feelings, choices and their outcomes, what patterns do you notice?

Try using a journaling framework like my slightly tongue in cheek ‘Remote Control Roadmap’ the next time you're faced with a significant decision. It's a practical way to exercise your agency and ensure your choices align with your ikigai. Exercising your agency is what allows you to try new things, to say no to what doesn't serve you, and to create a life that truly reflects your ikigai.

The end credits

We're not just improvising based on prompts thrown at us by society, advertising, or other people’s expectations. We have the power, the agency, to write our own script.

Reclaiming your agency is about making a series of small, conscious choices that add up to a life that feels authentically yours.

What will your next line be in this grand improvisation we call life? What small choice will you make today to reclaim your agency and move closer to your ikigai? 

In this show, you're not just a performer, you're the writer, director, and star. So let’s make it sparkle.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. How are you taking control of your life's script?

Sarah, seeking ikigai xxx

PS - a more serious version of the framework *grin*

Agency-Based Decision Making Framework

## Decision to be made:

## Reflection Questions:

1. Is this decision aligned with my values? How?

2. Am I making this choice for myself or to meet others' expectations?

3. How does this decision impact my long-term goals?

4. What are the potential trade-offs?

5. How does this choice make me feel? Excited? Anxious? Indifferent?

## Alternative Options:

1.

2.

3.

## Final Decision:

## Post-Decision Reflection:

How do I feel about this decision? What did I learn from this process?